Dick B.
I used to have this friend -- named Dick -- and he had this phobia. It was called Ithyphallophobia; the fear of thinking about, seeing, or having an erect penis.
So big deal, right? Well this is where it gets interesting... He was a queer-talkin', mud-plowing, sexual deviatory, flaming faggot, from heart to soul, from toe to...thigh (he was also a hermaphrodite, which means he had plumbing from both sides).
I tried hard to be a good friend/roomy, though many...many times I considered pushing his sleeping body and his mattress out the window. We spent countless hours together, alone in my apartment, watching underground porn videos of Elton John...David Bowie...Marlon Brando (we even tried Chastity Bono, Cher's daughter -- the gay rights leader. We figured her name might mean help). We went to gay bars and clubs -- I even came up with a sort of mantra for him. I said, "Man, you just gotta forget the near, so you can spear the rear."
To this day I wonder if he was really a compassionate, straight-shooting transexual who just had a rough childhood, wearing horrible names like, 'Latchkey B.,' 'Dickby,' and, 'Medusa Got Horny.' I remember him getting butt-raped after school once... I was there.
You know, you used to not be able to be gay. It was called lynching. If you were left-handed, you were gay, and you were a witch. For that, they cut your balls off and fed them to the geese.
So big deal, right? Well this is where it gets interesting... He was a queer-talkin', mud-plowing, sexual deviatory, flaming faggot, from heart to soul, from toe to...thigh (he was also a hermaphrodite, which means he had plumbing from both sides).
I tried hard to be a good friend/roomy, though many...many times I considered pushing his sleeping body and his mattress out the window. We spent countless hours together, alone in my apartment, watching underground porn videos of Elton John...David Bowie...Marlon Brando (we even tried Chastity Bono, Cher's daughter -- the gay rights leader. We figured her name might mean help). We went to gay bars and clubs -- I even came up with a sort of mantra for him. I said, "Man, you just gotta forget the near, so you can spear the rear."
To this day I wonder if he was really a compassionate, straight-shooting transexual who just had a rough childhood, wearing horrible names like, 'Latchkey B.,' 'Dickby,' and, 'Medusa Got Horny.' I remember him getting butt-raped after school once... I was there.
You know, you used to not be able to be gay. It was called lynching. If you were left-handed, you were gay, and you were a witch. For that, they cut your balls off and fed them to the geese.
Post a Comment